On the very first day!
- Sonny's Dad
- Jul 10, 2024
- 7 min read
The first Friday had arrived on the alternate weekend that was due to have Sonny after our verbal agreement in court. We had built up of the contact to where I was having Sonny over night in Manchester from Friday to Sunday but this was the first time that Sarah was going to assist me with the travelling.
The travel from Manchester to Dronfield on a Friday was a very very lengthy one. Even though it’s only about 45 miles from the centre of Manchester and typically should take about 1 hr and 40 minutes it was more like 3 hrs on a Friday. There is simply no quick way to get there and the roads were completely gridlocked coming off the M67 in to Glossop.
The problem with this wasn’t necessarily that it was taking me 3hrs to get to Dronfield, the main problem was that I leave at 5pm and I wasn’t getting to Dronfield at the earliest until 8pm which means even if I spin the car around and get back home in 1 and a half hours it would be getting closer to 10pm, Sonny would be tired, it’d be way past his nedtome and he’d need to go straight to bed. We just didn’t think having Sonny up so late travelling was good for him, that’s I why I insisted with Sarah in court that she helped with the travel - if she met one third of the way at the Ladybower Pub if would cut off at least 1 hr of the journey, much better for Sonny.
So I could not believe that when she to meet me for the first time disaster struck. As I stepped out of work to run to my car to get out the city centre and on route to get Sonny I could see that Deansgate was completely gridlocked, nothing was moving.
I ran past all the stationary traffic just thinking it would slowly clear but when I actually got to my car I couldn’t even get out of the car park onto Deansgate it was backed up that much. I waited and waited but the traffic was not moving. I called someone to see if they could find at out was happening and it turns out that there had been fears of a gas leek in one of the side streets of Deansgate and the Police were now controlling the traffic.
This was a nightmare as I knew as each minute passed me by all the traffic along the route to Dronfield would e building up, I had problem, and it was Sarah.
I messaged or rang to let Sarah know what was going on and that it was looking increasingly likely I wasn’t going to be able to get there for our agreed meeting time. She wasn’t happy, which I understood but there was nothing I could do, I was stuck, I couldn’t even reverse back into the car park – I was just stuck.
Finally I got out of Manchester centre but the traffic was going nowhere, the whole route was like a funnel neck. When I got to the M67 roundabout heading down to Glossop I remember Sarah ringing and it all kicked off. She was shouting down the phone because I was going to be late and I was, very late but there was nothing I could do. I just asked her to hang on when she get’s to the meeting point and I will be as fast as I could. Typically on that route the Snake Pass its flowing (assuming it’s not closed) and I’d been over it so many times I knew exactly where all the overtaking points were, I knew I could get over the pass quick but I also knew I was going to be late.
After another heated call there was no point in asking her to understand, she said she was going to turn back and I had drive over to her house as usual, this made no sense as it was going to be so late now before Sonny got back to Manchester with me but Sarah never really thought about Sonny when it came to what was good for him with his Dad, rage would always take over.
So, I made the slow drive over to Dronfrield, it took hrs to get there. Sarah was raging because I was so late, didn’t take into account why I was late as all reason had now left her. Immediately I was met with “I’m not meeting you, the arrangements off, you can come over to Dronfield to get Sonny” and wait for it, her favourite punch line, one she would always trot out in fits of instabialty “it’s not like we live in Timbuktu” Bingo! There we have it, the old chestnut! Here’s Sarah reminding me that I should glady drive 3 hrs to get Sonny and should be grateful she didn’t live in Timbuktu but here’s her who can’t be bothered to drive 30 mins!
You cannot reason with the unreasonable.
So, I picked Sonny up and we headed on the relatively quicker journey of 1 and a half hours back to Manchester. He went straight to bed, I sat down with my parents who in disbelief listened to what had happened with Sarah.
The problem I had now was a much wider problem. On Sarah’s word I’d agreed to take the application out of court, I had no redress whatsoever. She had completely set me up for a fall as it would take months to get back in front of a judge over this. She wasn’t going to assist, she used this as the perfect excuse to get out of any travel assistance, I had to think how I could get round this.
My main problem was that if when I finished work at 5pm I was always going to get to Sonny really late due to the traffic build up and Sonny was always going to get back way past his bed time. Sarah didn’t care about that she only cared about her getting her own way.
Unfortunately I had to do what I never ever wanted to do – I had to speak to my employer. For anyone that knows me they will know I’m very private, my business is my business and certainly when it came to discussing anything about Sonny it was off the menu unless it was close family or friends. Work and work colleagues were never going to know that I’d experience such a level of parental alienation. However I had no choice.
Very fortunately y I was close to my Manager, she did know the situation and I went to see her. I told her about court and the agreement I’d made with Sarah and that she’d how already reneged on it.
My Manager was supportive and understood the situation I was in. She knew I wouldn’t let Sony down but also knew that it wasn’t good for Sonny to travel such a distance so late in the car. So she agreed to go the Managing Partner for me and put a case forward so that I could leave a bit earlier on a Friday.
My thoughts were that for me to miss that main traffic at the M67 and down into Glossop realistically I’d actually need to leave at about midday, that was never going to happen, the firm weren’t going to allow that. So my Manager said she’d go into battle with the Managing Partner and see what she could get for me.
Strangely for a woman with 2 kids the Managing Partner of our firm, and someone who was very close with our department, lacked a bit of compassion at times. She wasn’t really for giving me time off and thought Sarah should be held accountable and that I should return to court. This just wasn’t practical for me to do and I had to get it resolved asap.
Reluctantly she game me 2hrs so I could finish at 3pm on the Fridays that I would collect Sonny but I had to make those hrs up in the morning of the same day.
I could live with that, I was still sat in traffic, the traffic was still rreally heavy as there are so many workers leaving early on a Friday but it meant sitting in traffic for hrs from 3pm as opposed to sitting in traffic from 5pm – in essesnce in meant I could get to him earlier in the evening but not much faster. Anyway, it was a workable solution for me, and it was much better for Sonny.
I made the mistake trusting Sarah, I should have never trusted her – after everything she had done, forcing me to court just to allow me to see my son was everything I needed to see to know that I absolutely could not and should not have trusted her.
I gave her a chance because I wanted all my contact arrangements with Sonny to work and building bridges with Sarah to show her I was willing to trust her was a mistake and I should have known better.
I did though find a solution and from this point on me and Sonny entered a really healthy period of time together. I had my son back for a few days a month and more in importantly Sonny had his Dad, Nana, Grandad & Auntie in his life on a regular basis.
It should have never got to this but like I always did for Sonny I tried to find solutions against the rampant parental alienation that we had been battling against - for what seemed like forever.
Sarah had got her little victory, but I had to learn that she needed these victories to validate in her own mind her control. It was something I just had to live it for Sonny.
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