Our First Contact Session
- Sonny's Dad
- Jan 11, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 29, 2024
The day had arrived, the 4th of March 2006 - after such a long time of not being allowed to see Sonny I was now only a matter of hours away from seeing him. I remember thinking how surreal it was that in situations like ours where parental alienation is so prevalent that a contact arrangement would be made on such hostile grounds.
Sarah and Margaret clearly did not want me anywhere near Sonny, as far as they were concerned they were going to play the roles of everyone and Sonny didn’t have a choice in the matter. At the time when contact was being discussed it was muted that it could take place at a contact centre.
Those places are soulless but I thought that would be a much better place at the time, to remove any negative environment around Sonny. However Sarah would not agree and in another attempt at controlling the situation she insisted that contact with Sonny would only take place at her parents house.
I drove over to Dronfield where her parents lived and my then girlfriend accompanied me. That girl was an absolute hero for what she did for Me and Sonny, and she knows it - I tell her every time I see her.
We got there in plenty of time and we went for a quick coffee. Obviously she wasn’t going to attend the visit with me but she’d played such a big role in getting us this far I wanted her to be nearby for when I came out so I could tell her everything about how it had gone.
After we finished our drinks I headed off to Margaret’s house which was a short drive away – I had two hours with Sonny ahead, and it had took a long time to get these two hours.
I remember pulling up outside – Was I nervous? No not really, I was still very angry at what Sarah & Margaret were doing and the last thing I wanted to do was to be forced to be civil to Margaret let alone sit in her house but the end justified the means and as CAFACASS had reminded me - “just get through it Chris, it’s only the beginning”.
I approached the house and knocked on the door – I could hear Sonny in the front room yapping away to himself!
Margaret came to the door, I gritted my teeth and conveyed pleasantries but I was here for someone much more important than civility, I was here for Sonny.
As I entered the house, and closed the door behind me I turned around and out of front room toddled an inquisitive blond little 18 month old boy! At his age I was blond as well, I remember think "wait until my Mum & Dad herar this" - it was like looking at a picture of me!
I approached him as he looked up at me, knelt down and said to him –
“Hello Sonny, I’m your Dad - I’ve come to see you”
He showed me his little toy and then turned to walk back in the front room where I followed him.
There was benign conversation about Sonny with Margaret, I can’t honestly remember whether Ken was there or not. I wasn’t interested in talking to Margaret but I had to converse and listened to what she had to say about Sonny but I was there to see him and I wanted to get to know him.
He was a studios little fella, was always examining his toys up close and putting things together. I’d taken him a big present that he opened up and was full of bits and pieces that he was engrossed in.
As with any little toddler he was constantly on the move and I was on my hands and knees following him round.
I remember we went in the back room where he’d wondered off too, a room where Margaret was proudly displaying a big picture of Sarah’s new boyfriend holding Sonny up. I remember thinking that it was typical of Margaret to do something like that – “Look here’s Sarah’s new boyfriend holding your son, look how happy he is without you”.
To this day I tell that story to people who are in the know about what happened with Sonny. (There are very few I’ve ever gone into detail with. My standard response is – when asked is “Yes I have son but I don’t see him, it’s problematic with his Mum”.) Everyone always shakes their head in disbelief when they hear how she’d displayed this picture in full view ready for the day when I met Sonny for the first time since Margaret and Sarah had stopped me.
Ask any Dad and they’ll tell you something like that is hard to see but one thing I’ve always done is - when I’m restricted I don’t battle the restriction. There was nothing I could do about Margaret’s crass behavior, nothing at all, a part of me looked at it and smiled at what typical behavior I should have expected.
Me and Sonny continued to play, in between him snacking – he liked to snack! He also took an interest in the phone that I had with me. He was fascinated by the button (a Nokia of it’s day!) and he was busy clicking away.
The clock was ticking down, I was aware of the time and I certainly wasn’t going to be told that my time is up by Margaret so I prepared myself to leave. I got my coat and shoes on and I again approached Sonny. He clearly had no idea who I was, just someone who had turned up with a present and played with him for a few hours.
I knelt down in front of him and I said “I’m going to go now Sonny, but I’ll be back to see you again soon” ruffled his blond hair and turned to leave.
I desperately wanted to put my arms round him and give him a kiss, lift him up – hold him and tell him how much I loved him, but I didn’t. Parental Alienation strips you from being able to do this “Am I allowed too/What’s the protocol/Will I be told I shouldn’t do that). He was my son and I didn’t have the freedom to tell him that or give him a kiss – parental alienation at its worst.
I turned and left, got in my car and went to collect Claire who was waiting for me at our agreed meeting point. She asked how it had gone, I told her it had gone well and that he was a lovely little lad. As I was talking I was fidgeting with my phone, wondering what he was doing now. I opened up the camera folder and to my surprise there he was….. taking his first ever selfie!
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