The Rules
- Sonny's Dad
- Jun 9, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 5, 2023
So, as above – who wants to follow rules when it comes to being able to see your son or Grandson. Most people will struggle with it but we have to grit our teeth and get on with it.
This is what we had to do.
Sarah made it clear to us our relationship with Sonny was going to be strictly controlled from the beginning. Obviously this is not a natural environment to have a positive and loving relationship with a child but this is what we had to accept.
When these rules were applied to our relationship with Sonny – We can only see him for 2 hrs., on a weekend, at Sarah’s house, under supervision - it was a hard pill to swallow but one we all had to get along with….well nearly all us.
My Dad, Sonny’s Granddad, just couldn’t do it. On one hand he was never going to be dictated to by someone when and where he can see his only Grandchild. He’d done nothing wrong and he felt that it would be a humiliating experience for him.
I understood, he’d never been a man to accept an injustice in any way so I knew straight away when these rules came down it was going to be a big ask to convince my Dad this was a good idea.
Secondly, and I suppose more compelling as to how he was surveying what was going on at the time, he felt that if he did engage with Sarah and Margaret’s rules, he was convinced that given how unstable things had become he didn’t trust that at any point Sarah would pull all contact thus leaving him and the rest of us on the outside of Sonny’s life. It worried him that this could happen.
He was right, I understood that – there was a really risk of that happening. And it did happened, more than once and it’s extremely debilitating, emotionally, to constantly have the looming threat of your child and grandchild being taken away from you. So from the period that Sonny was born in September 2004 until a few months later the only time Sonny had to spend with his Granddad was the first few days in hospital. Thankfully, Sonny did build an incredible relationship later one with his Granddad and they’ll more on that as the site develops.
Obviously, whilst being dictated to by Sarah and Margaret wasn’t something I was ever going to be comfortable with I was going to be there. I was his Dad, I was always going to be there for him, Sarah and Margaret were never going to deter me, and they never did. My Mum and sister, Sonny’s Nana and only Auntie, took the same view. They didn’t like it but they wanted to see Sonny, knowing full well it could blow up at any minute.
For several months we followed Sarah’s orders. Travelling from Manchester to Sheffield to see him. On one occasion the weather was so bad with snow the Snake Pass was actually closed. We didn’t have time to turn round and go back via an alternate route so I got out of the car, removed the road closed barriers, went through, got back out the car put them back, and headed over the pass. That was the most dangerous drive I’ve ever one. The snow was thick, you could barely see and there was virtually no traction on the car. It was dangerous but slowly managed to get across- we had to otherwise we’d miss our time with him.
Sarah didn’t care about this, her attitude was always ‘I don’t see what the problem is, you don’t live in Timbuktu ‘….says the woman who never once helped with any travel to facilitate Sonny’s contact!
This is just another example of us trying to placate Sarah & Margaret, too keep them onside so we could see Sonny. We were never going to not see him unless she actually physically stopped us which in the end she did which is why I had to take to her to court. There was suggestion's though, I didn’t care about Sonny. These allegations would typically arise if I challenged Sarah’s attitude, rules or unreasonable behavior but that was never the case. This site will prove that what I did in my attempts to have a real loving relationship with Sonny was as much as anyone could have possibly done in such situations.
Many Dads’ would have give up, given location separations and the behaviourr of Sarah they would have understandably given up.
That wasn’t something I was ever going to do, for 2 reasons. One, Sonny needed as Dad, he still does no matter what Sarah and Margaret think, and I was his Dad and I was going to e there for him. And secondly, I was never, ever, ever going to give Sarah and Margaret the satisfaction of being able to say that I didn’t care about Sonny.
Those two things were never going too happened, and they never did.
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