We did try
- Sonny's Dad
- Mar 24, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 5, 2023
So, even though my intuition told me it would not be healthy to remain in the relationship with Sarah, during 2004 we did try to work things out.
This was driven by the fact that not only was I under a lot of pressure from Sarah, her family and my family, I did want things to work out if they could be worked out.
My Mum wanted us to go and spend some time together, away from the noise that was being created by everyone else. She decided to buy us a holiday in the Venetion Riveria where we could get away, to try and talk things through and work things out.
I knew that it would be an attempt in vain to make everyone happy but if we could work things out first and everyone else was happy second then it was worth a try.
Unfortunately whilst we enjoyed the holiday and we did try to get to the bottom of the problems we were having we couldn't make it work. It wasn't the for the fault of either of us trying - we were too different and I was too concerned about being in a relationship with Sarah.
I think by this point too much had happened and I was also starting to feel more demands were coming my way.
Given everything that we'd been through and the fact the relationship was little more than smoldering embers I thought at best if we were to make a fresh start it would be with me being in Manchester and Sarah in Sheffield, not ideal but a start.
This was not an option for Sarah, I was basically told that we needed a house with the prospect of Sarah moving to Manchester. To me this was non sensical. Whilst we had the impending arrival of a little baby I didn't see how buying a house, us moving in together and Sarah moving to Manchester, wouldn't intensify a fragile and fragmented relationship. Whilst I privately entertained the idea for a very short space of time and actually looked at a couple of prospective properties, I was never going to go long with that - it would have been like starting a fire in a house, locking all the doors - then turning the gas on.
I was already feeling that Sarah and Margaret were using the pregnancy as a way to leverage me. I saw it coming from the moment she told me she was pregnant. I had zero doubt that this would happen and as the days, weeks and months passed this became even more apparent.
Like I told her many times, I wasn't that lad - I wasn't someone who would be pressured into a destructive situation. And I was right. If we'd have bought a house in Manchester, moved in together, Sarah gave up her job and switched employment it would have been a disaster that nobody needed, let alone a new little baby.
I was right not to give in to these demands - to buy a house, to relocate Sarah, to live together. Whether they agreed with me at the time or not they know that wasn't the answer.
Things would not have improved. The pressure that Sarah was putting on me would have intensified. It would have become even more intense, Margaret would have blown her final gasket.
If Sarah and Margaret could have been mature enough and realised that no matter how much Sarah was upset and annoyed she was an adult as was Margaret and the solution was to be separated as adults but together as parents.
This could have worked, if Margaret dropped the angst and Sarah controlled her emotions as well as ignored all the negative influence around her on how to leverage a child and alienate a father, things could have been much better for all concerned - but of course, better for Sonny.
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